Monday, March 2, 2015

The Gap

For the past week 1/2 I have had the flu. Of course for the first week I tried to convince myself it was just a nasty cold I couldn't shake. By the time I finally went to the doctor over the weekend I had developed secondary infections and have honestly never felt so bad in my life.
Flu as an adult is evil.
The combination of feeling overwhelmingly ill and inability to do absolutely nothing in regards to paperwork for the adoption or planning for fundraisers has left me in a pit. 
A pit of heightened emotions that explode in a waterfall of tears over any little thing.
I've been reminded over and over of the "contentment" in any situation post.
I've found that while it is difficult to feel content while suffering from the flu, unable to do anything for my family, it is possible to accept that I have no control over certain things.
Letting this settle into my heart leaves a sense of calm.

Over the weekend I managed to dig through Sveta's backpack and found this:

It's a social studies assignment, actually due today, Monday (not Thursday). 
The due date isn't really important.
The subject matter is what threw me into a tailspin.
I love Sveta's teacher. She's not just my daughter's teacher but she's also a friend, someone who our family has known for many years. She prayed, rallied and supported our family while we were adopting and has reveled in watching Sveta grow and develop since coming home. 

The assignment, to draw or tape four pictures with significant events from your life is not a huge feat to accomplish. We do actually have one tiny copy of a photo of Sveta on the day she was born. This was a unexpected gift, something we never thought was possible to have. The original will forever remain in Ukraine with someone who obviously thinks enough of that tiny photo to have held onto it for seven years. That's another story. But significant.
It's the four year gap after that baby photo which caused me to start feeling emotional and ridiculous crocodile tears began flowing. 
I called my mom and blubbered out all the things going through my mind,
"I don't know when she walked, talked, got her first tooth, what her first food was, first word." and on and on.
Sometimes you have to get all those emotions out to gain perspective.
After my pity party, I realized "Wait a minute, quit being a big blubbering goofball!!! I'm NOT going to focus on the FOUR YEAR GAP of details I don't know about my daughter's life!!"
I'm going to revel in the fact that for the REST of her life she knows there are people who will know the details, the accomplishments, the joy, and any sadness in her life.
And that while we don't know the details from those first few years, God does!
Her story is always going to be uniquely hers.
So, her assignment began in 2007 with her birth and what followed was a four year gap.
And it was okay.
Sveta's own unique timeline:
Her first day of pre school, her first birthday at age five, her first tooth to fall out. 

She was so very proud of her project.
Uniquely Sveta.

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