Friday, November 27, 2015

Thanksgiving 2015

This Thanksgiving was a truly a year filled with mixed emotions.
Many people, both family and friends, came together to celebrate - not that life is perfect or that we don't face difficult times, but we all came together to say thank you for the time we each have here on earth. That life is short, and can change in a heartbeat. 
This year all the cousins on my husband's side were joined together in one picture, which is really an accomplishment because for many years each of us has taken a different path on Thanksgiving.
It was joy to watch our daughter play with her cousin, and sweet to watch our son and oldest daughter hold the newest member of the family. 
It was a time of reflection, of renewal.
The holidays are a difficult time, for many people, for many reasons.
It is no different for our family.
I just want to say that if you are struggling, don't give up on the one thing we each have - hope.
For a long time I felt like giving up on hope. That perhaps, hope didn't really exist. 
I was looking for hope in earthly things.

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Looking at each of these precious children (even the man child) I am reminded of the hope God gives to each of us. Hold tight to his promises that all the pain we experience here on earth will someday be wiped away. 

Yes, there is one child missing. How could I look at this picture and not see there is an empty space. 
I've learned that while we will always miss Emma, we can still experience great joy.

Happy Thanksgiving 2015 

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


Y'all!  I am ready to tell Emma's story, my story, His story. It's not filled with happiness and rainbows but is blessed with joy. How does that happen? 
It's ugly. Raw. Real.
Eventually, it's peace. 
I'm still in in the middle of finishing the memoir but it's almost done.
 I am so ready to just have this story told.
In 2008 the manuscript was nearly finished, but life happened and I allowed distractions to keep me from completing it.

In truth, it was difficult to put the story of Emma's life onto paper.
Each time I would begin to write everything would come pouring back and the emotion was simply too overwhelming at times.
It has taken years to reach a place where I can move forward with the book and I have begun working with an amazing Christian woman who is helping guide me through the whole process.
From 2008 when I first sent the manuscript to another editor to now, I've grown in my relationship with God and I know this growth needed to happen before the book could be completed.
I had to find where my identity truly rested.

Journey With Emma
A Memoir of Healing and Hope
"All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost"

The enigma child, the one born with fiery red hair, the child who left us when she was three.
The one who dances in heaven.
While here on earth she was always in my arms. One day I know I will see her again. My faith has grown as I have cried stinging tears. I've been shattered but found peace in the midst of pain.
This is my story, it is the journey I took with my daughter Emma, and the unraveling of myself...