Eyes wide open was something I was (and still am) thankful for and would never want to go back again to living in a realm of not knowing a reality so close to His heart. Early on though, it was often times too much. My mind was filled with swirling emotions, spiritual warfare through those closest to us, and an overwhelming feeling our lives were to be changed forever.
I begged for God to show us what it was we were supposed to be doing. Adoption seemed like a far out there idea that "other" people did. Then there were the little seeds of fear, doubt and worry...what ifs - what if it was a mistake, what if this messed up our entire family, what if, as someone we knew said "the child is all messed up?"
The final "what if" came - What if we said "no" to something God was telling us to do out of fear of the "what ifs?"
We are all "messed up" on some level, aren't we? I am not worthy to be in His family AT ALL. But that is the truly amazing thing about my Father in Heaven. He gives me what I DON'T deserve and doesn't give me what I DO deserve.
By Grace, He has adopted ME into His family. This is the Spirit of Adoption.
It was my great pleasure to plan your adoption as My sons and daughters (Ephesians 1:5)
I love you my child, for you love My Son and know that He is from Me. (John 16:27)
God doesn't guarantee healthy biological children and all the "what ifs" faded away as fear was replaced by words like "provision", "prepare", "steadfast", and "heal".
During that time when all those questions were swirling in my head there was also the huge statement looming over, something people kept telling us - that we were being "called" to adopt.
We didn't really feel that way.
God showed us he wasn't "calling" us to adopt. Its much simpler - we obeyed and said yes to what he was telling us to do. It was more of a commandment. He said GO and we said YES.
Our adoption was no surprise to God. Because we live in a fallen world, Sveta wasn't able to stay with the mother God intended. I believe because God loves her so much, as he does all of his children, he placed adoption on our hearts and brought her into our home. She didn't grow in my heart...quite simply, she was always there.
I have a friend - she is on her own adoption journey which began suddenly in January, quite unexpectedly to her and her husband but to God it was no surprise. She tells me for over a year the Lord has woken her in the middle of the night and compelled her to pray for her child - for one not even in her family yet. She had no idea why this was happening but prayed obediently for a covering of safety over her child, not knowing at all what it meant. In January, through a series of events God very clearly showed her their child. He was always there, in her heart, purposed for their family. God makes no mistakes.
I suppose I look at it like this - regardless of how children come into our family they are wholly meant to be exactly where He has placed them. I am excited and honored that God gave us a child through adoption just as much as the three He gave me biologically.
Jesus, who makes people holy, and all those who are made holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus isn’t ashamed to call us brothers and sisters. (Hebrews 2:11)
I love to encourage others who are adopting and yes, am that person who will continue to yell for the fatherless because that is what He has pierced my heart with. I know there is no adoption without suffering. It would be a complete lie to say all adoptions end well. That all adoptions transition perfectly. Families need truth, support, and guidance from others who are speaking to them through the spirit of God and not fear based opinions.
From Russel Moore: "The hard questions about adoption, and the easy ones too, are only with us because there is something wrong with the world. We have adoptions because we live in a world groaning under the curse of sin and death."
God never makes mistakes. If He has placed the fatherless on your heart he will complete the work he has begun. "Let's be the people of Christ, and , like him, let's teach ourselves to welcome children into our homes, even those our culture tells us we're not supposed to want." Russell Moore, Adopted for Life.
I am so thankful He welcomed me into his family through my spiritual adoption, with all the baggage that came with my life. That He chose me to be a part of his family.
It overcomes me how He places children into adoptive homes and knows the precise moment hearts will be moved to say yes. Knows the exact timing of when those children will first lay eyes on their mothers and fathers. He knows exactly who is meant to be in the lives of the families to offer support, love and guidance and who are meant to exit. He brings everything full circle.
In our own family he has brought people in through a series of incredible events, and we now see a glimpse of where we are headed, where he is leading our family and what He is equipping us each to do . It's truly an amazing time. I can't wait to share more!