The Hole

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. - Mother Teresa

I have been reading The Hole in our Gospel, by Richard Stearns. Picked it up having no idea it was another one of THOSE books. The kind of book I read and feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. A book that causes me to ask myself - what are WE doing in OUR family to impact the kingdom of God?

The kind of book which leaves me knowing we are not doing ENOUGH. 

The last time it was Radical. It took me weeks to get through it. Nearly every page I had to stop and absorb what I had read. God was already working in my heart to prepare me for what we would embark on with Sveta's adoption. While reading Radical I realized the prosperity gospel is a big. fat. lie. And to buy into it is not what I want for our family or want my children to believe. It's not our money - it all comes from God.

We are not entitled but entrusted with it. God expects us to use it in the interest of His kingdom.

Reading a chapter in The Hole in our Gospel about wealth in America I was ashamed - "You're rich, we're rich, and the church in America is rich." I read that and thought "right." But then this -  "If your income is 25,000 a year you are wealthier than 90 % of the world's population. Of the 6.7 billion people on earth, almost half of them live on less than two dollars a day. If you don't feel rich, its because you are comparing yourself to people who have more than you do - those living above the 99th percentile of global wealth."

Ouch.

And then...just about 2% of American churches money goes to overseas missions of any kind. What? Two percent? American Christian churches?? 

"To better understand the spiritual priorities of our churches - and ourselves - we have to do what any detective would do: "follow the money."

I know some amazing churches with incredible missions - local, US based and global. People being hands and feet of Jesus DIRECTLY to those in need. How on earth can those statistics be correct? Surely the church is doing more? Sadly, I have seen it with my own eyes - churches living within their own walls.

And I remembered Ukraine. We met an amazing group of Christian men and women who visit the orphanage every week to spend one on one time with the children. Do you know what they said when we asked "what do you think of Americans?"

They said with great respect and Christ's love "we believe Americans don't have any idea what the world is really like, what reality is for the rest of the world"

And during the month we spent there I learned they are correct.

For my family I know we have to do more. We are absolutely commanded to do more. God showed us clearly His heart for the orphan.  Our daughter is an absolute joy and we are honored she is our little girl. She is wanted, loved, cared for. It would have been easy to come home and forget about what we saw in Ukraine. To go in with life. To forget that the average person there lives on $200 a MONTH. But God continues to pursue my heart, to reveal His character to me.

I don't know where God is leading our family but its a good place to be - hands lifted up saying "Show us, Send us, Use us" without conditions. I don't want to deceive myself into believing we have done "enough" or are supposed to be "called" instead of doing MORE and being COMMANDED to GO and DO. What the future holds, I don't know. 

But I trust fully the one who knows all.

Christ has no body on earth but yours,

no hands but yours,

no feet but yours.

Yours are the eyes through which

Christ's compassion for the world is to look out;

yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;

and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now. - Saint Teresa of Avila

Even. More. Broken.

I prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His. That's no secret. It all began the fall of 2010 when I read the story of a little one who had the questionable diagnosis of Cockayne Syndrome. God used one little girl to lead Eli and I to a family who would later lead us to Sveta.

What I didn't know the fall of 2010 was how God would continue to completely shatter my heart and open my eyes.

I am thankful for being broken.

Why on earth would anyone want that? Because it is very possible to see raw images, read horrifying stories of children all over the world - orphans and children who are not orphans but living in horrid poverty, no access to food, clean water, children living in deplorable conditions. Its very human to feel incredible compassion and sadness...but to go to bed at night with a million things on a "things to do the next day" list pouring through your mind but settle into a deep sleep, forgetting the horrible images you have seen.

That was always me until that fall of 2010. Compassion yes, action no. I didn't feel "called" never realizing we are all called - finally God opened my eyes and showed me we are COMMANDED to rise up and be the army here on earth and DO SOMETHING.

Since we returned home with Sveta last summer I have asked the Lord to continue to break my heart.

And just when I feel there isn't a way my heart can possibly be shattered any more God opened my eyes to Pleven Orphanage in Bulgaria.

 Oh. My. Soul. Children literally wasting away. I am shattered because I once had the honor of being mama to a little bird of a tiny girl, she lived to the age of three and never weighed over 13 lbs. But she was always, always HELD in my arms. Every time I see a child with any kind of condition which deems them incapable of learning by their society, and destined for a "laying room" I break inside knowing its JUST NOT TRUE. That there is SO MUCH more they can do with LOVE, and proper therapies.

I don't even have the words, its so close to my heart.

God is raising up an army.

And there IS a way to help the children in Pleven.

Click HERE to help raise money for nurses and Baba's (grandmother) in Pleven orphanage and find out more.

Be prepared to be broken.  

Growing Wings

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings. - William Sloane Coffin

A year ago, on April 26th, 2011, we had no idea what was coming the next day.

On April 27th tornadoes raced across our state, destroying just about anything in their path.

One statistic is 226 Tornadoes that ONE day across the southern states. It was a day we will never forget. 

And a day my faith took yet another step.

But a year ago on April 26th,  my mind was thinking about Emma and the upcoming anniversary of her death, not the storms which were making their way to our area. I was in a race to finish up adoption paperwork and we were struggling with adoption funding, family problems and the enemy was definitely on the prowl. 

One year later my heart is still heavy over many things. Once again, we are on racing toward the upcoming date of Emma passing away. It will be seven years on May 22. It is a bittersweet day. I miss her with a longing I can't really put into words. But there is also peace which transcends all earthly understanding.

A year ago my eyes had been opened and my heart broken in a way it had never been. 

 I was thankful for opened eyes. For it brought me to a place where I could say

 "whatever comes God, I am here. 

Break my heart. 

Send me. 

Show me."

I had no idea I was growing wings.

My heart continues to break over the children we said goodbye to in Ukraine. So many little faces, desperate for attention. Love. Over the months God has shown me children here in the US, and ALL OVER the world who need homes, food, clean water. 

Love. Compassion.

I pray God will continue to break my heart for what breaks his. This is not always easy. Who wants a broken heart?

But I would rather be completely broken than Lukewarm as I once was.

A year ago we were on the brink of climbing on a plane and journeying across the Atlantic.

We had no idea of what was to come.

It indeed felt like recklessness of faith.

We took a leap.

And God grew our wings.

So thankful we said YES.

We will GO.

 

Sveta's Turning FIVE = Matryoshka Madness!

We can hardly believe it!!! Our little one, Sveta Josie is turning FIVE!!!

And it's Matryoshka madness here. (for me anyway)

Birthday plans = A mix of American and Ukrainian, to celebrate Sveta's birth country and America. 

Birthday theme....Matryoshka. 

I LOVE these!

We brought many of these back from Ukraine and they are a cherished part of Sveta's heritage.

I suppose I need to do a rewind....

 

Life has been full of surprises and very busy the past nine months. Okay so that is an understatement. I don't even have the energy to write here or think anyone is reading but have realized this blog is really more for Sveta than anyone else. Little gets written here because well...I haven't had the words to really convey life after adoption.

I guess I should.

She is an incredible little JOY.

See the green fingernails? She chose them for St.Patricks Day. Mouth full of water after soccer? Happy baby girl.

I have tried to find a word for Sveta now, for her spirit, her energy...and it's

FREE.

Sveta carried so much on her little four year old shoulders when we first met her last June. Things we will never know. Sveta is a fighter, our brave little girl. She has walked a journey most children will never walk. We love and respect the ones who cared for her and loved her her first four years. 

There are many special people God brought into her life. We know he has an amazing plan for Sveta.

 That day in June when I first took her little hand in mine and she looked up at me I promised her, I will

 NEVER LET YOU GO.

And neither me or her daddy will ever let go of Sveta.

She is our little girl. We knew it over a year ago.

It's just that simple. 

She is Beloved. Adored. Cherished.

Hugged. Kissed. Tickled. Snuggled. 

We wipe tears, fix boo boos. Listen to fears,encourage dreams. 

Absorb her.

And now we get to CELEBRATE her turning five!

 Sveta Josie joined our family last summer but she has been a part of our life for over a year.

Isn't God beyond comprehension in the way He works, and His timing?

He knew a year ago in 2011..as we were dying Easter eggs praying Sveta would be here soon...

That this year...in April 2012..

She would be creating her own Easter egg, here with us. Learning about tradition along with how her Father in Heaven loves her.

"Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth"

 And now here we are. A year later.

Planning a huge birthday celebration for a SPECIAL little one. 

She has no idea what a birthday party is. 

She has seen children in her class have cupcakes for their birthday so that is what she asked for.

Cupcakes. 

That's it.

Pink and Purple.

Nothing else. (well also a dream lites pillow pet thing....)

She has no idea what a

CELEBRATION

her FIFTH birthday will be! 

and that this is

Her FIRST birthday celebration. 

She has helped pick out the clothing though...

With her own adorable outfit...from a talented mama at Rock A Bye Babes

 

I am beyond excited about all the awesome plans for Sveta's birthday.

There is Matryoshka Madness in the air.

With a mixture of American flavor.

Think hotdogs, rock candy, inflatables and matryoshka cupcakes.

Maybe some varenyky (perogies) or cabbage rolls? I loved both while in Ukraine. Eli...not so much.

Can't wait till June.

We have loved every first with Sveta Josie and are blessed to see life through her eyes.

I promise more updates to come. (really)

Helping the Heim Family

During our adoption adventure Eli and I met someone I am thankful to now call a friend, Traci Heim. We also got to meet two of her adorable daughters. I have always been amazed by Traci and her family - not because it is large (and growing!) but because of their faith, and I am excited to learn they are once again adding to their family. Traci and her husband have adopted each one of their six children. They are in the process of adopting a sibling group of four. That's right! When I say things to Traci like "this and this and this would have to take place before this takes place and what about this...???(in my own life)" Traci's response is usually something along the lines of "Who says God can't do ALL of that, in His own timing?"

She is passionate about her faith, her family and adoption. When I saw they were trying to adopt this large sibling group I thought oh my goodness...what can I do to help? I know it's not much but I am posting the latest blog entry from Traci's blog Like a City on a Hill it will give you some insight into why they are working hard to bring four children home. She has a give away going on the help with fundraising, which is nothing new to the Heim family. Maybe you are reading this and wondering how you could help? Just hop over to her blog and read a little about the Heim family. Here is the link again: Like a City on a Hill and this is Traci's blog post from February 15th:

Hiding my feelings from myself

Have you ever been so calm and serene about something that normally would have all your senses on edge? You know, something so important that there is no way anyone other than you understands the urgency, cares so deeply, acutely knows how monumental the situation really is more than you?

Usually when I am undertaking a new adoption process, (as I write that it makes me laugh. Adoption has become common routine for me. Awesome!) I become what I call hyper Type A. I micromanage every aspect of every piece of paperwork, both the paper I am responsible for as well as those items that are not my duty: think home study, fingerprinting, background checks, visa approval, etc.)

I become hyper-aware of every minute passing that could be used to complete some vital part of the adoption process.

This time has been very different. There are some big unknowns around this adoption. I am going with a new home study agency. It is not so common to adopt a sibling group of this size in Illinois. I have absolutely no idea about how the time frame is going to unfold. All things that would send me reeling into "figure out every facet of every possible scenario" mode, but oddly not happening.

Foolish, foolish me to think that I had really matured that much.

A dear friend asked me to send her an email about the kids. She wants to help raise awareness of our adoption to encourage prayers and financial support. I was excited for her support and set out to write to her about the kids.

I shared what Eastern European Outreach had written about them and then I included personal details about the afternoon I spent with them along with observations from college students who had spent the last three weeks with them.

I thought I would be sharing basic details about their ages, looks and personalities, and I did that. But I learned something as I wrote to her.



Here is a picture of Masha along with what I wrote about her.

Masha (Maria) had a shy hope about her. She was one of the oldest children at the orphanage. There was a group of American college students finishing up a 3 week visit doing VBS type activities, and it was obvious that most of it was geared for the younger kids. I think Masha's life has been spent on younger kids. She definitely felt responsible for her younger siblings. She was embarrassed by some of their behavior while they were talking to me, it was actually great to see that dynamic. It seemed more like an older sister than a mom. I was glad to see her being able to relate on an age appropriate level. She asked to see her picture after I took it, and just like most teen girls, she didn't think she looked right. Her hair was troubling her. She blushed and made a face after looking at it. I asked her what hopes she had for the future. She told me she would like to be a travel agent. I pressed her if there wasn't anything else?

She looked in my eyes and quietly breathed, "I would like a mom and a dad."

And there it was. At nearly 16 she still hoped, believed that maybe she could still be cherished and loved by a mom and a dad. That someone would come and tell her that they loved her and would take care of her.

And she trusted me with that wish.

She is the one I can't get out of my head. She is the reason for our urgency. She doesn't have much time and she deserves to know she is loved, cherished, prayed for, valued. She needs to know that 16 is still just a baby and that I long for her to be my baby.

16 is so very young to be so old and alone.

It's not right, and God help us we are trying to change that.

As I finished writing this I found that tears were streaming down my face. I learned something I hadn't told myself:

I learned how very much I love them.

I felt how much I ache for them.

I realized how incomplete our family now is without them.

I had not shared that with anyone before.

I hadn't even told myself those things.  

I  still have peace about not knowing when and how their adoption will come together. I know without a doubt that God's hand is guiding and directing us. There is nothing else I need to know.

I know that all of us have needs and that money is tight for everyone. I also know that God moves his people to provide and if you are so inclined to be a part of our adoption you can donate here. Every $10 still enters you into the give-away for the Lladro figurine.

Above all else I value your prayers for my children both already here in my home as well as these precious children yet to be called Heims. Please pray for their hearts to keep hope alive, pray blessings upon all those who handle our paperwork. Pray that the Holy Spirit would move within the hearts of His church to take up the cause of the orphan. To volunteer their own homes as the ones where God sets the lonely.

Thank you, dear friends.