Saved as a draft, no doubt my thoughts at the time too jumbled to hit "publish"...and so...nearly three years after she came home, here is the nine month home update.
This week marks nine months Sveta has been in our arms. It has been very difficult to write here over the past nine months. I become so overwhelmed with emotion on so many different levels that it renders me unable to write.
Humbled. Emotional. Amazed. Heartbroken. Joyous. Frustrated. Exhausted. And so many more things that swirl though my mind and heart. Looking back over the past year I can see many ways the Lord has used adoption to teach us. He has shown us glimpses of His character, and His heart by bringing our sweet little, bright blue-eyed little girl into our lives. She was about 12-18 months old in this picture. It is the only baby picture we have of her and this year for Christmas I created Sveta her own special Christmas ornament with her baby picture to hang on the tree.
She would walk to the tree and ask "where mine??" When I gave her the ornament her eyes lit up. It is truly a gift to have this one little photo.
I wish I could have known her then. At one year old. At 18 months old. During the first 7 months of her life that she spent in the maternity hospital. Any of the times she said she got "shots" and asked "why weren't you there mommy?"
She simply wonders why I wasn't there.
Where was I for so long?
But God knew exactly when we were supposed to be brought into her life. And he surrounded her with people who took care of her and loved her. He created her perfectly and wonderfully and has a great plan for her life. It it is a JOY to get to be her mother.
An honor to get to be a part of the rest of her life story.
The story of how we came to know Sveta is one that has God's fingerprints all over it. It is a story which has brought me to tears over and over. How he brought people into our lives which led us to her. A 15 second video of a little boy and girl singing. After we watched that little video, taken by a friend who volunteered in her orphanage, we couldn't say anything.
It was odd.
Something inside me shifted. I had wrestled with God over all the "what if's" and the BUT God questions. But God...WE aren't people who go to another country and adopt. BUT God we can't be gone from the P's for a month! BUT God...this is scary...there are so many unknowns.
We continued to pray and every single what if, every fear was wiped away. He placed peace in our hearts. We would continue taking one step forward as long as he allowed it. He guided all our steps.
It was difficult to explain we would travel to the ends of the earth for her. How did we come to the decision? For us that question was very important. It was and still is important to give God all the glory for this is the story he wrote. All God. There were questions like "What if something was "wrong" with her?" and "What would we do when we got home with this child who won't even be able to speak English?" We have walked through fire in our marriage. Had a child with special needs and a rare syndrome. We had never fully contemplated adoption. And certainly not from another country! We prayed, fought, sought spiritual counsel and wrestled with every "what if" question until finally our hearts and eyes were opened.
He asked us to go and we said yes. How do you explain that to friends and family who can't get beyond fear of the unknown?
Adoption is huge. It is work. It is forever. It is a glimpse of God's grace.
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.