time flies...

What a whirlwind of a year. A  year ago, I began homeschooling our oldest. This has been such a blessing. Quickly summer came and we spent time with friends, hung out at the pool, visited family and friends in Texas for a month, went to the beach and made it back home in time for the kids to start school. SJ started Kindergarten and is doing amazing. Learning and progressing so much. We are incredibly blessed to live in a community in which the school is so willing to go above and beyond to help her catch up and excel.She is a spunky little girl and apparently has a fan club. We hear all about her walking down the hall and children of all grades calling out to her "Sveta! Sveta!"

The girls hanging out at Papa Dale and Mama Lou's house in Texas last summer. Fun times with family. The miles between us are difficult but we are so thankful for the extended time we were able to spend with them.

No summer is complete without a trip to the beach and...a zoo!

Hot. Tired. Three kids waiting on lunch.

And of course...while at the beach we have to take an excursion to the alligator farm. WOW.

Fourth of July

Too much fun with one of my best friends from childhood and her kiddos. We both a little teary watching them all together. I think we were realizing just how OLD we both are!

Friends since we were ten years old!

The Texas cousins hanging out, racing cars. In about 104 degree weather. Add the sticky humidity and you get hair that never comes out of a pony tail. I don't miss that about SE Texas...at all!

Precious cousins!

Little One learning to jump off the diving board. No fear in this one! Big brother there to catch her.

First day of third grade for Miss P, and Kindergarten for SJ!

Annual trip to the pumpkin farm. More excited about the slide than anything!

In December, our hearts were changed...once again. We have been so overwhelmed with emotion through becoming involved with an organization here in our state which brings groups of  older Ukrainian orphans over for a month to spend time at a camp close to our home. This is P with "L", a teenage girl who P bonded with. Oh my soul. I can't even fully express the emotion that was wrapped up in the night this photo was taken. P had written L a letter in Russian...telling her how much she loved her, how special L is, and how she will never forget her. When L read the letter, tears welled up in her eyes and she looked at my little girl with such sadness, and HOPE. 

Beautiful L......she is cherished, loved, important and we are thrilled beyond measure that she and her older sister are being adopted by a wonderful family. We know we will get to see her again. We know she will spend the rest of her life in a family, feeling love and learning about her Father in Heaven and how great His love is for her. Someday...we pray the sadness in her eyes will be filled with joy.

At some point in the whirlwind of the past year my friend Jaymie and I took our kids to a wolf refuge. 

What an experience.  How many people can say they have been face to face with a wolf?! We sat in their dens, got to pet them...but mostly I sat completely freaked out praying one didn't bare its teeth at me or try to eat my child. Do we get "fun" mom of the year award for this one, Jaymie?

SJ's second Christmas home. What a terrible picture...with shadows on the edge..but believe me it was better than the others. And they were all three sort of smiling. And not fighting.

Another trip to Texas and time with family.

                                       2013 began with celebrating 100 days of school

Sweet sisters. We are blessed beyond comprehension. And excited about what 2013 has in store. 

Praying for the Lord to continue to show us how we are to do his work for the fatherless.

Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

Isaiah 60:1

Little Bit

Our Emma girl turned 11 in heaven last week. Last year, on her 10th birthday Eli and I were in Ukraine with Sveta. Emma's 10th birthday in heaven will be one I will never forget...God gave us Sveta on that day. As the years have passed my mind is no longer consumed with the raw, painful images which haunted me so early in the journey of grief. Now...there is a quiet peace in my heart and Emma's laughter fills my mind when I remember her. The Lord has been with me through Emma's life and death and once I began to realize how great His love is for her and for me...I began to heal. I never thought that would be possible...to be healed. You never forget...there is always a sting, tears when you least expect them, a yearning to hold your child. It is well though...well with my soul. Laying it all down at His feet...relying totally on Him...there is peace.

I wrote this around the one year mark of Emma (Little Bit) passing away. 

You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb...Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be. (Ps. 139:13,16)

A bursting summers sun began to light a new day as our daughter Emma was born into the world against a backdrop of mountains and a sky radiant with deep pink and indigo hues. The beauty of the outside world was lost to us as we met and beheld our newly born daughter. We were introduced to her fiery spirit and catapulted into life with a most amazing child, and on that sultry summers day we became trapped in time, caught in rapture we inhaled joy and absorbed her radiance.

And nearly four years later, during the month of May - with butterflies flourishing the landscape and petals in full bloom, our tiny, exquisite Emma so filled with light, exhaled her last breath and took flight of this world forever. Her scent, laugh and delicate imprint on our soul will forever stay. Our Emma. Her name meant “one who heals” - a tantalizing notion because during her days on earth she seemed so in need of repair, her tiny body refusing to adhere to the rules for a healthy childhood. In the wake of her earthly death, the truth comes and shines its grace all around. She was not to be healed; it was Emma’s presence in our lives that was meant to heal us.

In life and death, she continues to be…our teacher. Our journey with Emma led us through denial, darkness, unquenchable desire to make her healthy, acceptance of her disease, letting go of her and ultimately, a quest for healing and realization of truth. The family we were before Emma no longer exists. Torn apart are the definitions that perpetuated our minds of what was a fulfilled life. Left now is an ever ripening wisdom that living life is not to be defined by others expectations, earthly desires or boundaries. A fulfilled life is not measured by accomplishments, wealth, or the amount of time we spend on earth. The brief flickering of time that was Emma’s life held more truth, meaning and fullness than most ever experience.

Lessons learned are all we can take from her flight in and out of our life. She left us as quietly and quickly a single flame is blown out. The glowing aura of her physical presence remained as her last breath was exhaled. She was three. “She is gone, she is gone” my voice repeated and echoed through our home. The ebb and flow of life and death was fulfilled and glorified. Tiny glimmers of reality peeking through the dark cocoon of our shock. She is gone.

After she left it became quiet in our home. At times the rift between our reality and the world’s ticking of time has become filled with such intensity it threatens to rip us apart from humanity. And yet, we survive. We absorb the thrilling laughter of our other children; we notice the warm rays of sunshine that play upon furniture in Emma’s room, still filled with HER things. We are gingerly stepping through a doorway that must be the threshold to…the rest of the journey. The future is filled with uncertainty but as the years pass I can see we are kicking at the darkness, and the future must now bleed light.

Light comes. It is the subtle, gentle caress of awareness that Emma’s spirit was shaped and filled with God’s grace. The feeling of contentment, fulfillment, and indescribable emotion when holding her was simply, the Lord infused through her.

Basked in truth while searching for relief from the searing pain we reflect on her life, and her amazing journey. Emma was beautifully and wonderfully made. Her genetic fabric was carefully chosen well before she began her life on earth. She was placed into our family and lovingly cared for. Her syndrome did not debilitate our family but instead it empowered us. We continue to be amazed by her and by her work here on earth. Our family now travels on the journey without her physical presence but we feel her spirit, and her melodic laughter resounds around us. We keep her memory alive and woven securely into our family’s fabric. Eli and I have not “lost” a child – we will always have three. We will talk about her, leave her pictures and favorite things in our home. Her blanket and pillow will forever grace our bedroom. We will remind Peyton and Paige that Emma is always their sister.

Throughout the rest of my life I know our family will eternally be shaped around her short presence in our lives.

Thank you Emma for the love, the lessons, and patience you had for each person blessed to have met and beheld you. It was never a sacrifice to give all to you, and absorb all you had to give back. We know well what you were and why you came and we are humbled to have been a part of your life.

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. (2 Corinthians 5)

Home...One Year!!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Sveta's Big Birthday Post..Finally!

You all want pictures right? Not my horrid commentary? But...for everyone new to our world...one year ago Eli and I traveled across the Atlantic to adopt our little girl, Svetlana. We didn't know what to expect. I can't even say we were brave. We just jumped. And prayed. And prayed. And prayed. 

God yelled at us and we listened. 

We followed where He said to GO.

"Ukraine"

(We argued a LOT with God about this)

But ultimately, we obeyed. Listened. Humbled. Said yes.

Svetlana.Her history is hers to tell, all we know she will know. It's all hers to tell, if she chooses.

We call her many things now..Yetta. SJ. Setta Tetta. Sazetta. Goofball. Baby Gump. Chipmunk.Sveta Josie. We also call her loved, cherished, beloved, daughter, sister and we are honored to be her family. People say she is lucky. We feel...WE are the lucky ones. Sveta Josie turned our lives upside down, showed us a side of our Father in Heaven we never would have known, had it not been for her.

Adoption. Changes. Everything. 

It's not about us. Ever. 

Sveta came into our family like she has always been a part of it. Like she knew she belonged and we knew she was meant to be here. Funny how God does that.

Last weekend we had the JOY of celebrating Sveta's fifth "first" birthday at home! There was a "matroyshka" theme...why..because Sveta didn't know what in the heck a birthday was yet (imagine turning five and having no clue what a birthday or party to celebrate YOU is?). So, I came up with the theme. A Matryoshka is a Russian/Ukranian nesting doll. It has great meaning in their culture. 

And, its cute.Basically, that was my motivation. Cute.

So, for weeks we prepared. For a Matroyshka theme birthday. (next year..she can choose...Dora...Olivia..whatever...this year, Matroyshka!)

Then...the BIG day came!! Chubby cheeks turned FIVE!! (she still thinks her cheeks are called "chubbys" and doesn't know what the heck a cheek is)

Best Big Brother EVER. He got me a baby alive!!!!! But really..I just like to hug him!

A Dream Lites????Really?? THIS was the ONE thing I have been asking for you crazy family!!!

NO WAY. A CAR also???

Happy Fifth Sweet Girl...

 Her first birthday celebration. Look at that little face. !!!!!!

The sun was in her eyes. And she is quite dramatic!

Gosh..it looks painful to smile.

Birthdays are FUN!!!

Really? The Ice Cream Guy shows up at my birthday????!!!!

Oh my goodness. I am tired. Will every birthday be like this??

Happy Birthday Sveta Josie...You are amazing, beautiful,special. And so much more. 

You are our little girl.