My Journey with Emma is here!

My daughter Emma was born with a rare genetic disorder called Cockayne Syndrome. She lived to be three years old and through her life, God showed me my true identity..in Him. 

I carried a facade of trying to make the world beliefe I had it together for a very long time, but Emma's life taught me that when we let the facades fall and share our brokenness, we allow God to show how He heals our hearts. 

My book, My Journey With Emma is the story of Emma's life and what came after for me. It is the story of why I can say "it is well with my soul" and how God can bring tremendous peace and good out of suffering and pain. 

My Journey With Emma is a story of hope, truth and redemption. 

To order My Journey With Emma go to Circle of Hope, the non profit organization created in Emma's memory. It serves to support families and children with life threatening illness, special needs and families adopting children. All proceeds from My Journey With Emma go to Circle of Hope.

I am honored to walk the journey of love and loss with others and pray you feel God's deepest blessings and peace in your own journey. Please email me at circleofhopehuntsville@gmail.com if you are a family needing help or simply need to talk. 

Much love, Kim

Updates

Here we are, nearing the end of another year. Life has its ups and downs and I am thankful for God's mercy, new every morning.
Sveta is in 3rd grade now and we are still homeschooling. She's making progress in reading, writing and math. We are having some educational testing done in a few weeks to rule out dyslexia. Paige began homeschooling this year as well and has loved Classical Conversations.
For the past semester Sveta has been taking musical theater and wow..she has found her niche! She takes to the stage with no fear, has every line and music step down and most of all, her BIG personality shines. I was watching her this morning at the final performance and thought "wow, how far she has come, she has so much to give."
I told her I was so proud of her and she said "I'm proud of myself too!"
Peyton found hockey at a young age, Paige discovered soccer is her passion and now Sveta shines on stage.  As we near the end of the year and the celebration of our Lord, I am humbled to be in the place God has called me to at this stage in life. Saying yes to God and serving others, in whatever purpose He intends.  Thank you for continuing to keep up with Sveta's journey.

Pictures over the last months...

Sveta as Munchkin Mayor

Some of the cast

Sveta & mommy

Paige turned 13!

We got to see Winter and Hope 

From Dolphin Tale

Decades day 

Peyton drives now! ( he turns 17 tomorrow!)

Lots of swimming last summer

Sveta turned 9!

Fun with friends

Time at Elis parents cabin 

Identity

For the past five months I've been trudging through the process of editing my manuscript, it is the story of my life with Emma and how God has grown me, refined my faith and how I finally found my true identity, not in things or people - but in Christ. 

At times I've had to stop and take a break. I have an amazing editor who has walked with me through this process and has been a source of encouragement, and reminder of truth. Revisiting the memories of Emma's life and death have been good, but incredibly difficult.  I feel finally telling my story is what God has been leading me to all these years. Pouring words to paper is a closure that needed to happen.

 Emma's life on earth ended 11 years ago. 

11 years ago. Time has seemingly moved too quickly yet managed to stay still. 

Every year since her death, May 21st is the most difficult day. The day filled with the most intense, raw emotions. It was her last full day here on earth. 

The longest day. 

Every year prior to this one, I would spend May 21st wrestling with anxiety and tears. Yes, you can still love God, have faith and be filled with anxiety. I certainly have had a troubled spirit on May 21st all these years. But God says to "cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22

This year, I felt no anxiety. May 21st was a beautiful, full, joyful day. May 22nd came, the anniversary of Emma's death, and there was peace. This year was different. 

I know God is still working in me and through me to teach me more of His character. I know finishing up Emma's story is more than just my journey with Emma - it is a testimony to my father in Heaven and how He has been faithful and loves me, even when I have been a disobedient child. 

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

Our family has recently embarked on a very unplanned journey. It is a journey that the devil does not want to see happen. When you hear from God and follow where He is leading you you will encounter attacks from every direction. The enemy does NOT want to see God's plan for your life succeed. The enemy wants to steal your JOY. 

The devil does not want to see Emma's story, which is truly a God story, come to fruition. The enemy does not want the changes coming to our family to succeed. 

Knowing this we can put on the full armor of God and I know I will continue to stumble, to fall, but will  get back up, not because of anything I can do on my own, but because God is faithful.  

As I have learned where my true identity is, I have finally begun to understand joy.

Go forward in faith friends, whatever you may be walking in, God has you in His hand. He doesn't promise happiness but oh how He wants you to experience JOY. 

Hope

Last week Sveta asked me why we hang Emma's stocking if she's not here. Her innocent question gave me an opportunity to explain how we can still love and remember someone even if they aren't with us, and that Emma's stocking is a reminder that she's always with us in our hearts. We have great hope in the Lord and we will see Emma again. 

What hope, what truth.

Isn't that the true message of this season?

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."

The peace Emma has now is as incomprehensible to me as the peace I have with her being apart from me. How can I be at peace when she's no longer alive here with me?

God alone has done this in my heart.

But the wandering, the wondering, the crying out to God for clarity on other things in our lives - this is a blog post for the future. 

Perhaps, the most difficult post to come.

In the valley is where we have been for a very long time - searching, waiting.

Hope must lie in the valleys of life, I am learning this is where the most profound spiritual growth happens.

A Sveta Update

I've been looking back at photos from before Sveta came home. 

She's grown so much in so many ways - physically, emotionally, developmentally. 

As we enter the 5th (wow!) Christmas season with our Sveta, I am so thankful that she is a part of our family.

 It is an honor to get to be her mommy. 

This photo is of Sveta and one of the precious volunteers who visited the orphanage weekly and played with the children in Sveta's groupa. Her name is Lilya. She adored Sveta. We still have contact with some of the volunteers we were blessed to meet that summer while adopting Sveta and they have been able to keep updated on her life, as well as pass on updates to her orphanage. 

Sweet, sweet baby girl. 

This is Sveta now, picture taken a few weeks ago. I have no idea why one arm/hand looks so large when propped up on the rail! She is one of the bravest children I know, she will try anything (even zip-lining!) and was so excited to try ice skating again. 

I haven't updated much about Sveta's progress or things we are doing. I suppose when you've been home four years everything is so routine you forget that readers may want to know how things are really going. 

I homeschool Sveta and she's now in the 2nd grade, she is making huge leaps in her reading and math skills. Her confidence in learning is growing. We have been using Right Start math and Abeka. She takes other classes at a local business dedicated to home schoolers. It's like a little school and she even participated in a science fair last month. There is a Christmas program where she will be singing and lots of opportunities for field trips. It's been a very good decision to home school and I love having my little one home every day and getting to watch her progress. She finished speech therapy last year and her language has greatly improved. She will soon be starting musical theater classes. She is so excited about this but also wants to take karate. Have I mentioned she loves watching wrestling?? She even has a little wrestling ring and wrestlers she likes to play with. Yes, her interests are diverse. Barbies, wrestling, singing, drama. 

I'm just glad she loves to explore different things and loves to learn. 

She's still a tiny little girl, finally growing into a size 8. But she has a huge heart and is filled with compassion for people and animals. 

We are blessed to have our little Sveta. 

Adoption changed our lives.